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Seriously who writes these? I know it's not a computer because they understand grammar and spelling. And basic sentence structure. Well I guess that counts as grammar But what the hell? (4) comments

By some odd conflagration of events my parents took from the library a cinematic gem known as Spider-Man. This film can easily be distinguished from the far more recent Spider-Man 2 by the fact that this is the first in the series.

I've already seen it three times, so I'm not really learning anything new, but it's still an enjoyable viewing. I STILL don't think Tobey Maguire is a great Spider-Man. I mean, he's got nerdy down, he could play nerdy in his sleep. But there's way more to Spider-Man than thick glasses and a bad haircut. Despite his humble science-contest roots, Peter Parker is COOL. He's really cool! Just no one knows it. Yeah, I mean he's got the nerd thing, and the angst thing, but he's also really DOWN and WITH IT. Half of Spider-Man's personality is the smooth-talking wisecracking personality he throws in front of himself to deal with life's little problems, like things that explode at you. Tobey's Peter Parker is just such a wimp, I could hardly imagine him blocking all those punches with his face like that; that takes precision AND courage and I rarely even manage it. That's why Jake Gylenhaal should have played him; they're basically the same person but Jake is taller and he gets the whole sarcasm thing. Who has Tobey Maguire ever played? Shy, sincere everyman after shy, sincere everyman.

And Kirsten Dunst? You are not a natural redhead, and pretending to be just makes it worse. I mean, yeah, you're a pretty lady and all, but don't be Mary Jane. Let someone else be Mary Jane. I don't know who, but someone!

But otherwise, it's a good movie: it's got a well-conceived plot, great fight scenes, and there is that one scene where you can kind of see Kirsten Dunst's nipples.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Those eyes! Those terrible, yellow eyes! (0) comments

People usually find my website when they're looking for porn on the internet. Maybe YOU did. But by observing my hit statistics, I discovered that people generally spend a lot less time looking for porn on the days surrounding Christmas. I guess they're busy. Too BUSY for porn! (0) comments

I find "Christmas" a difficult word to type. I don't know why. It's the "Christ." I always mix up the letters when I type it. And this is ALL a metaphor... for something.

So, Christmas Eve my mom told me that I would receive absolutely zero gifts. Uh, guys? Not hyperbole. Okay, I got a couple of things. I got a wireless mouse that my dad got for free somewhere. I mean, I already have a mouse that works just fine, but this is actually pretty great, because it lets me combine my love of rubbing plastic all over my body with my love of moving the cursor.

That's pretty much it for my Christmas post, now onto a few other matters.


I saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events a few days ago, a movie renowned for the fact that no one is quite sure what to call it when buying tickets. It was "fun" and "enjoyable," I wouldn't say "good" necessarily, but it's been so long since a movie has satisfied me completely. Jim Carrey was being a hammy bitch, though, and I kind of wanted to punch him. But you know, he'd be a pretty good Joker in the new Batman movie, if he could only just nail the evil and menacing aspects of the role instead of just prancing around and being a dick. Oh, and the girl who played Violet was hot. If you, you know, go in for that kind of thing.

I ALSO saw House of Flying Daggers, and had mixed thoughts. Yes, it reaffirmed my belief that Chinese people are in fact, cool. They're even as cool as Japanese people. If the two cultures were to get in a big fight, I gotta tell you that I do not know who would win. Some of the fight scenes were quite impressive, and the general idea was pretty cool. I was really happy with my movie for about an hour. But as the space between fight scenes increased in direct proportion to the implausible plot twists, I started to lose my patience. By the end of the movie I had gotten rather irritated at what could have been a perfectly lovely film.

Oh, I just watched the trailer online for this movie theater play (read: film) Sin City. I had dismissed it as some stupid Vegas movie, but then I saw the trailer and decided it was either crazy enough to work, or crazy enough to fail terribly and be simply, just, terrible. I mean, I'm impressed by the pretentious artistic touches, like filming in black and white and then having some stuff in color, and everyone likes katanas. And strippers. And who could live without a weird, emaciated villain with huge stick-out ears? I know I can't. And it has a rather impressive cast. I would go watch the trailer at the Apple.com/trailers site and come to my own decision, but I already did that, so I guess you should go. Not me. I'm an ass.

Finally, I've been reading up on a little manga called Hellsing. It's like that movie Van Helsing but it doesn't suck. It's about this agency that works for, as far as I can tell, the Anglican Church, which is to say, Church of England, by which I mean, Protestants, and England. They kill vampires mainly, but also ghouls. Ghouls are the Putty (see: Power Rangers) of the undead world. Which means they suck, and eat flesh. Actually, vampires suck. Get it? Because they... I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Anyway, their secret trump card is a fellow name Alucard. He is a vampire and his name is Dracula spelled backwards. I don't know about you guys but I smell BIG FLASHBACKS in the future. Still, I can't unequivocally say I love Hellsing, because it's so... so. For one, I don't know about the Japanese version, but in the translation everyone uses really cheesy speech terms so they'll seem British. Oh, and this one guy is supposed to be Irish, but from the way his speech is written he sounds REALLY Scottish. And all the talking about church gets on my nerves. They're always going back and forth, "You Protestant bastards," "Catholic wankers!" "heathen longsocks!" I made that last one up. But that's the majority of the dialogue.

FINALLY, I've been watching the first few episodes of the anime Excel Saga. All I can say is that it's pretty funny, the theme song rocks, and there's something inherently sexy about a purple-haired girl who's always dying. You guys know what I'm talking about. Right? Right? Am I right? 7000 dollar suit! COME on!


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (2) comments

I just thought you should all know.
(1) comments

So, I'm watching Murder by Numbers, some murder movie my mom took out from the library. It features Sandra Bullock, the steely-eyed homicide detective who can never let anyone get close to her. Even her male partner finds her abrasive style difficult to handle. But very soon, a budding romance comes along and erases all that trouble.

Not between Bullock and her partner, though. No, the two real protagonists of this story are Richie and Justin, the two murderers who are central to the plot. Richie is a wealthy, arrogant, upper-class prick who has an inexplicably low-brow, mumbly speech pattern and dresses like he just stepped off the front cover of Rolling Stone's 2004 "Best of Eurotrash" issue. Justin is a brilliant, pasty-faced, lanky-haired, big-lipped, Crispin Glover-meets-Leonardo Dicaprio sissy bitch who's got no friends, no social skills, no nothing. So naturally the two fall for each other like a pair of magnetic dominoes. Of course the director Barbet Schroeder throws in some cute Hollywood cheese to appease the teenage girls. He's got the two running in fields together, eating spaghetti and like, they eat the same piece and their faces meet, but then they all look away because it's awkward. It's sweet, really. But then it gets darker: they decide to commit a murder and get away with it. You know, because that's what those bored suburban high schoolers start doing when they don't have good, wholesome extracurricular activities. See, this is why kids need to be taking the powerful narcotics! You do not want their brains to be operating on this kind of level. Needless to say, the two pull it off, but when Bullock questions Richie, she decides that she DOES NOT LIKE HIM and THAT HE IS GUILTY. She tells this to her partner, and then later they have sex. Then she makes him leave. This is an important plot point, because later on in the story, it never happens again.

But I really do think that the relationship between Richie and Justin is a beautiful thing, and it's a big step forward for Hollywood cinema. I mean, we've seen it before in small time Indie hits like "love/death: beneath the willow" and in more than 600 Indian musical films, but this is really a first for the main-stream. I think it's high time that rich, overconfident pretty-boys and greasy goths with no self-esteem realize how right they are for each other. Bravo.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (5) comments

I've been reading and watching a lot of Japanese stuff lately, because I finally have friends who can supply me with that kind of shit. And I've seen some of these show themes and stuff, and I'm really getting kind of confused; is English really that cool?

It seems that every single Japanese pop song has some English phrase thrown in. "Real folk blues," "we are fighting dreamers," I could go on and on, if I could think up some more examples. Oh, and that song "Tank?" The little opening spoken-word section is so English, and not even Japanese English. I think they hired an American guy to say that opening line.

Japan must be the only country that thinks English is a cool language. You never see the French going, "Oh dude, this song is missing something... I know, the chorus can just be 'total world challenger' over and over again." Except it's French so it would be more like, "Dude, ce chanson manque quelque chose... je sais, le refrain peut simplement être 'total world challenger' à de nombreuses reprises." Of course "total world challenger" is really the kind of phrase you can only say with a Japanese accent, so it's not like France has much going for it there. When they DO use English they usually go with something a little more Western, that shows more understanding of latin-style syntax, like "your mother can't compare."

But other than that, everyone else is always saying how English is like the ugliest language in the world. Except for the Germans maybe, but I gotta say they've got a pretty unpleasant language. I still want to learn it though. Then I can yell stuff at people with the twin benefits of them not knowing what the hell I'm saying AND thinking I'm a Nazi. Oh man, that's going to be so sweet when I learn German. And Japanese! Then I can have loud disputes with myself and people will think I'm the Axis powers trying to decide how to fairly divide America. If I were Japan I'd totally go for California and New York, because those are where all the cool American culture comes from. And, you know, Silicon Valley. Oh, and Seattle because they have computers and coffee there, which I assume the Japanese will be needing. I guess Germany can have like, North Dakota, and uh... Minnesota. Oh! And we'd have to share Detroit because Japan and Germany both need to make cars. But no one will realize how carefully I've thought this out, because I'll be yelling in Japanese and German.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (2) comments

That was like, a total lie. No, seriously, I'll come in with a post of decent length around Friday. Even if it kills me. Even if I have nothing to talk about. Because, if I know people, they'd rather suffer through uninspired, tepid shit than do nothing.

Dude, Cake is a pretty good band. I turn to them when I want to hear a white man who can't decide whether he wants to be a rapper or a singer. Listen to them; You'll get it.

Okay, I've got business to attend to!

Actually, no, I haven't. I have absolutely nothing to do. Possibly less than ever before in my life. I mean sure, I could study for a couple of my tests tomorrow, but we all know I'm not going to do that.

I'll probably just go to the gym and eat a giant bucket of ice cream in front of the treadmills.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (1) comments

http://www.ubi.com/US/Games/Screenshot.htm?pId=1806&sId=7504

Nintendo needs to cancel the DS right now.

They need to create a new handheld that looks and plays an awful lot like a PSP with the Nintendo symbol covering the Sony label. (2) comments

I'm kind of scared. Well, concerned really. For the past five years or so, the Simpsons have been chugging along without a laugh in the world. And I've grown to accept that, to expect it, maybe even to love it. But this year, it's as if... as if it's gotten funny again. Like, I don't know how! But it's true. It's as if they hired new writers, writers who understood the art of humor. If only such a thing were real. Not only am I almost rarely offended by aggressively bad jokes, but these days I often find myself smiling, even laughing out loud at the Simpsons. What have they done to my SHOW? Well, whatever they did, they should have started a long time ago.

Or is it just me? Am I a freak? Somebody, won't you please help?


Dude, d00d! I just saw an ad for 24! Apparently, what's in this briefcase could determine the fate of the world. It's up to JACK BAUER to stop it in its ruthless quest for world domination!

"24", Season 3: "Briefcase Blues," or "How I Learned to Stop Caring and Love 'Repetitive Keifer Sutherland Sutherland Show'", or "I Hear Kim Doesn't Play a Prominent Role This Season... So I Guess the Mountain Lion is Unemployed."


Dude, this episode of Arrested Development contains some coarse language! I am in for such a great episode! Maybe the FCC finally lowered their standards on television decency controls. That would explain why Colin Farrell said "I shit you not" yesterday. Actually, I probably hallucinated that. I really don't think it's legal for him to do that.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

(0) comments

Did Colin Farrell just say "I shit you not"? On NBC? Can he do that? Is that... is that legal? Shit, I need to get on live TV!


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

Well, I'm back. Okay? I'm back. You can shut up now.

I know I've missed about a month's worth of posts, but that was on purpose. I was trying to teach you guys to, you know, fend for yourselves. But from what I've heard, my experiment has gone awry. There have been suicides, some of my best friends have turned to hard drugs. And gambling! So I'm back. I don't have much to say now, and I haven't had much to tell you guys for a while; that's kind of why I haven't been here.

I've been busy, you know? Like with a life and stuff.

I had a girlfriend for about a month, but then we broke up. But that's okay, I wasn't going to talk about her online anyway. You know, respecting privacy and all. And that's some boring shit anyway.

So again, this is one of those introductory posts, the "Okay, now I remember how to click on my 'write a blog' Bookmark" post.

I've been working on this story that I've been writing in some form or another for about three years, and I feel like I'm finally getting some place. I may even start posting up some chapters from it soon.

So. I'm back. I'll see you soon. Or in a couple of months. Or never. Who knows!


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments