HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

I find "Christmas" a difficult word to type. I don't know why. It's the "Christ." I always mix up the letters when I type it. And this is ALL a metaphor... for something.

So, Christmas Eve my mom told me that I would receive absolutely zero gifts. Uh, guys? Not hyperbole. Okay, I got a couple of things. I got a wireless mouse that my dad got for free somewhere. I mean, I already have a mouse that works just fine, but this is actually pretty great, because it lets me combine my love of rubbing plastic all over my body with my love of moving the cursor.

That's pretty much it for my Christmas post, now onto a few other matters.


I saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events a few days ago, a movie renowned for the fact that no one is quite sure what to call it when buying tickets. It was "fun" and "enjoyable," I wouldn't say "good" necessarily, but it's been so long since a movie has satisfied me completely. Jim Carrey was being a hammy bitch, though, and I kind of wanted to punch him. But you know, he'd be a pretty good Joker in the new Batman movie, if he could only just nail the evil and menacing aspects of the role instead of just prancing around and being a dick. Oh, and the girl who played Violet was hot. If you, you know, go in for that kind of thing.

I ALSO saw House of Flying Daggers, and had mixed thoughts. Yes, it reaffirmed my belief that Chinese people are in fact, cool. They're even as cool as Japanese people. If the two cultures were to get in a big fight, I gotta tell you that I do not know who would win. Some of the fight scenes were quite impressive, and the general idea was pretty cool. I was really happy with my movie for about an hour. But as the space between fight scenes increased in direct proportion to the implausible plot twists, I started to lose my patience. By the end of the movie I had gotten rather irritated at what could have been a perfectly lovely film.

Oh, I just watched the trailer online for this movie theater play (read: film) Sin City. I had dismissed it as some stupid Vegas movie, but then I saw the trailer and decided it was either crazy enough to work, or crazy enough to fail terribly and be simply, just, terrible. I mean, I'm impressed by the pretentious artistic touches, like filming in black and white and then having some stuff in color, and everyone likes katanas. And strippers. And who could live without a weird, emaciated villain with huge stick-out ears? I know I can't. And it has a rather impressive cast. I would go watch the trailer at the Apple.com/trailers site and come to my own decision, but I already did that, so I guess you should go. Not me. I'm an ass.

Finally, I've been reading up on a little manga called Hellsing. It's like that movie Van Helsing but it doesn't suck. It's about this agency that works for, as far as I can tell, the Anglican Church, which is to say, Church of England, by which I mean, Protestants, and England. They kill vampires mainly, but also ghouls. Ghouls are the Putty (see: Power Rangers) of the undead world. Which means they suck, and eat flesh. Actually, vampires suck. Get it? Because they... I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Anyway, their secret trump card is a fellow name Alucard. He is a vampire and his name is Dracula spelled backwards. I don't know about you guys but I smell BIG FLASHBACKS in the future. Still, I can't unequivocally say I love Hellsing, because it's so... so. For one, I don't know about the Japanese version, but in the translation everyone uses really cheesy speech terms so they'll seem British. Oh, and this one guy is supposed to be Irish, but from the way his speech is written he sounds REALLY Scottish. And all the talking about church gets on my nerves. They're always going back and forth, "You Protestant bastards," "Catholic wankers!" "heathen longsocks!" I made that last one up. But that's the majority of the dialogue.

FINALLY, I've been watching the first few episodes of the anime Excel Saga. All I can say is that it's pretty funny, the theme song rocks, and there's something inherently sexy about a purple-haired girl who's always dying. You guys know what I'm talking about. Right? Right? Am I right? 7000 dollar suit! COME on!


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer