HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

I wish I'd written a book. Then I could sell it for money.

Have you ever wanted to dress up as a Nazi and run around turning flags with stars on them into flags with Swastikas on them? With the release of long-awaited Day of Defeat: Source, you can! DoD: Source, as they call it, is a multiplayer game in which nature's most dangerous natural enemies--Allied and Axis soldiers--battle it out through such various locations as:

-war-torn French village
-bombed-out French village
-French village with badly damaged buildings

and more! I recommend it to all of you who ever wondered how it would feel to shoot an American serviceman in the face. You know I'm kidding. Anyway, most of you people looking into this game have already played countless other games where you shoot people. So suck it up, babies.


I'm doing the musical Hair at my school. There's a lot of stuff where we sing harmonies, and the lyrics aren't very good. We often end up singing things like, "He's got his, got his ass!" or "Ain't got no guns (we got bananas!)" and wondering how we got to this point in our lives. Anyway, it's gonna be awesome. I hope you come see us at Laguardia Arts high school, Manhattan.

I had a falafel the other day. I was really excited about this falafel, but when I ate it, it wasn't very good! I figured out why. It wasn't made by a real Arab! You know how only Cubans can really roll the cigar just right? It's the same thing with falafels.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (3) comments

I was composing my tirade on Indigo Prophecy and the Nintendo Revolution, thinking that this voice recognition software was pretty great. Then, apparently acting on a supposed command, my software closed the Firefox browser, and now I have no tirade on Indigo Prophecy and the Nintendo Revolution. This makes me happy, because I enjoy having my work destroyed because I exhaled wrong.

Long story short, Indigo Prophecy looks like a very cool game, and I'm happy that there exists a game where story and characters are more important than guns, cars and boobies. Not to say that I don't appreciate these things, but story and character are great too. How 'bout some balance, eh? Oh, I also made a joke about how the game is called Fahrenheit in Europe because, while ancient mysticism fascinates us Yankees, Europeans are equally shocked and thrilled by our archaic system of stupid, stupid measurements.

Nintendo Revolution: I had told my friends that they weren't actually going to make one, that it would in fact be an imagination Revolution, but this new controller has me thinking that they shut my mouth. Blah blah blah, I'm happy with innovation and I like new, more versatile control interfaces because (and I haven't been out for a while, but) last time I shot a guy in the face I didn't do it by twiddling some buttons with my thumbs.

In short, innovation Rah-Rah, new white PSP indicates Apple's style monopoly is equally potent to Microsoft's business/money monopoly, and swinging a motion-sensitive controller around like you think it's a sword is cool in my book even if you accidentally hit your girl friend in the face.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (12) comments

Every year, there are more than 1,200 instances of snakes getting loose in passenger jets. These traumatic events risk the safety of many people and cost the world's governments hundreds of dollars in damages.

In these troubled times of Orange Alerts and snake-related terrorism, it's important to support films that make a difference, films like Snakes on a Plane.

In Snakes on a Plane, a new comedy starring Samuel L. Jackson, an assassin who wants to "off" a witness, releases a crate of snakes on a passenger plane. I recently interviewed the star of Star Wars: Episode III, Samuel L. Jackson. He explained that this movie has been the most challenging acting experience of his career, but he was glad to raise awareness about the dangers of snakes on planes.

"If this movie reaches just one person and really teaches them that releasing snakes on an airplane is dangerous and irresponsible, or dissuades one snake terrorist, I've done my job," said Jackson.


Nicky Y. is a film critic for the online magazine Slate.

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

My friends and I spent the majority of our first day back to school considering this fact in vague disbelief. We're upperclassmen! That's one word, "upperclassmen." This isn't cool, though. Not really.

We're talking
SAT!
Thinking about college!
(and the rest of your life!)
Two AP classes, two honors classes!
Still no sex (maybe!)

It's mostly the college stuff I'm worried about, because before you decide what college you want to go to, you have to decide just what in tarnation you want to be when you grow up. I swear to you, I don't know, and I'm no young thing anymore. In other societies, my mom is eager to tell me, a boy my age would be out in the fields, tending the crops. I don't know what crops I can tend in New York City. Hopeful actors? Disaffected youths? Tourists? Oh yes, harvests ripe beyond dreams.


Nicky

P.S. Nice to hear you made it safely to Little Yuppietown, Ben. May your next three years of high school be filled with sex, drugs, and distant alternative rock.

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (12) comments

This is why super slow motion photography has ruined sports forever. (0) comments

It's true!

Also, do you ever hear someone say something on TV, and it sounds like a really dirty word, but you know it's not because you don't have cable, but you can't for the life of you figure out what the actual word was?

Like when I saw an ad for Malcolm in the Middle about four years ago and I thought I heard a girl say "Shut up and fuck!"

But that can't be what she said. That would just be way too Goddamn erotic.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (2) comments

Did you hear about Castro? He offered to send 1100 doctors to help out with the hurricane people! I love that commie bastard!


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

(1) comments