HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

I saw two movies tonight, both called Cinderella Man. One movie was about a nice guy (Russell Crowe) with three little kids and a loving but fearful wife, who gets a second chance in the depths of the Depression. The other movie is about a boxer (Russell Crowe) who punches really hard and bleeds a lot. The first movie is kind of like eating a big bag of sugar, and the other movie is like headbutting a park ranger. It's very unpleasant and cool. The cinematography of this movie makes boxing actually look cool and disgusting, instead of just disgusting. It's the kind of film where you yell at the characters and duck your head to the side to avoid getting clocked. Russell Crowe is a very convincing boxer, and watching him go to work inspired me to never get in a fight.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (6) comments

I just watched a couple episodes of the O.C. It's mysteriously great! Or is it something else? I'm gonna go check for lady parts. (2) comments

I love Ben Kingsley because he's so cool that nothing he does can damage his reputation. If he wants to be in a movie that, for all intents and purposes should somehow feature Kevin Sorbo, who's going to stop him. Of course, what self-respecting actor could turn down the chance to work with Uwe Boll, acclaimed director of House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark? Or to appear in a movie opposite Meatloaf? And, what warm-blooded Englishman and one-time Gandhi could resist promises of Hot Lesbian Action!!!? Not me, that's for sure. And not Ben Kingsley.


Nicky Young

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

We have precedent! We have established precedent! There's no getting out of it this time! No two ways to go about it! You can't have your sock and wear it too! It's official!

In the ever-burgeoning movement of "reimagining" classic stories by modernizing them and replacing all the characters with black people, one trend has taken effect. It's called Initialism. How does one perform Initialism? Simple, take the title of a piece of literature, then replace that title with a single letter. Let's take a look at some examples, and yes! this is just in, we now have two examples!

Let's look at the play "Othello." There it is in its seven-letter glory. Why 7 letters? I don't know. I guess it's lucky. But everyone knows that where 7 letters will do, one will do just as well. You know a word I really hate? Thello. Let's get rid of that Thello. And there you have the title of the Mikhai Pfeiffer "Othello" adaptation.

Now, let's look at another piece of great literature, The Great Gatsby. 14 letters! Seem strange that the next item in the sequence has an additional 7 letters? I don't think so! Anyhow, take The Great Gatsby. Lovely story about a guy named Jay Gatsby. A parable, if you will, about the old rich and the new rich, and how they are both miserable. Okay, so The Great Gatsby. Very descriptive, indicative of the book's themes of reputation and class. Maybe... a little too descriptive. What kind of letters we looking at here? I see a few Ts, a couple E's and A's, but so what? The letter of choice here, is clearly "G." And there we have the title of the upcoming rap-themed Great Gatsby adaptation "G". Turns out it's about a guy named "G. Summers." Now, they could have easily named him Jay Gatsby and called the movie "J." But that wouldn't fly. Not at all. "G" is much more in keeping with the message of the book.

Bottom line, many black people are not illiterate, and they may even watch your picture show if the title contains entire words. Remember "Barbershop"? Whole buncha people saw "Barbershop"!

But I'm not worried. I think this trend will die down when they try to adapt the Thomas Pynchon novel V and end up with a movie titled I.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (1) comments

So, I've been learning a little bit about Parkour. Parkour comes from the phrase "parcour du combatants," and translates roughly to "the art of being a ninja." Parkour, or "free running" is an activity that consists of running around cities like a maniac, rocking people's shit, and trying not to hurt yourself.

According to the Theory of the Shortest Route Between Point A and Point B Being a Straight Line, the shortest route between points A and B is a straight line. This mathematical truism has always appealed to our love of lines, which can be used for such diverse purposes as organizing groups of people at ticket windows, arranging particles of cocaine, and graphing linear equations. However, until the invention of Parkour, man was unable to travel in a straight line.

As the recent Johnny Cash biopic "Walk the Line" demonstrates, buildings, staircases and drops of up to 1000 feet threaten our freedom to walk in straight lines. While exceptional people such as Johnny Cash have used song to level tall buildings and push trees aside, ordinary folk such as you and I have been left with little choice but to surendeer to curves, long known as devious, serpentine, twisted, and altogether untrustworthy.

But! Thanks to the art of Parkour, practitioners (or "traceurs") can raise one defiant finger straight in the air, and flip circumnavigation the bird.

Traceurs, also known as "extreme joggers" have recently gained attention for winning marathons by scaling skyscrapers and then leaping across town to the finish line, protecting themselves upon landing with nothing more than an efficient tuck and roll.

However, some claim that this fledgling recreation is derivative and fails to acknowledge its original sources.

In a 1999 interview, a source known only as "Timmy" told reporters, "They stole my game! I was playing in the playground last year and a guy with big muscles and tattoos [presumably David Belle, an important member and major founder of the Parkour movement] said that was really cool and then Parkour started getting famous!"

Timmy is currently working in conjunction with his parents and lawyer to have the sport renamed "Timmy Jumping."

Despite all allegations, Traceurs have done more good than ill, helping to solve crimes, using their prodigious linear movement skills to confound crooks. Since the 9/11 tragedy, President Bush announced the Emergency Ninja Initiative to "rock the shit of terrorism." They have defeated Islamic extremist Parkeurs in countless informal competitions.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

Apparently the two most touching film couples this year are a pair of gay cowboys, and a woman and a giant ape. What ever happened to the American Family?! (1) comments

Youngsters in Hartford, Connecticutt are now being fined $100 for each curse word they use. This measure was instituted to help reign in misbehavior in school and elsewhere. Police officers have hailed the new law as a success, noting a marked decline in "tongue-crime." Ofc. Wallace Trundle of Hartford said Thursday: "Before we started this law, cursing ran rampant. We had kids who would say the F-word and then go home and beat their parents. A team of paid professionals working weekends and Saturdays have calculated that by replacing dirty words with warm milk, we can decrease virulent shenaniganism by as much as 40 percent."

This law has brought about a flurry of legislation. Up next for review is a law punishing "perpetrators of tomfoolery" with "a stout birch rod applied swiftly to the buttocks."

I know I'm looking forward to seeing this story shape up, and I think we can all join in and wish the good law enforcement officers of Hartford, Connecticutt great success in keeping those impudent fuckers in line.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (3) comments