HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

So, I've been learning a little bit about Parkour. Parkour comes from the phrase "parcour du combatants," and translates roughly to "the art of being a ninja." Parkour, or "free running" is an activity that consists of running around cities like a maniac, rocking people's shit, and trying not to hurt yourself.

According to the Theory of the Shortest Route Between Point A and Point B Being a Straight Line, the shortest route between points A and B is a straight line. This mathematical truism has always appealed to our love of lines, which can be used for such diverse purposes as organizing groups of people at ticket windows, arranging particles of cocaine, and graphing linear equations. However, until the invention of Parkour, man was unable to travel in a straight line.

As the recent Johnny Cash biopic "Walk the Line" demonstrates, buildings, staircases and drops of up to 1000 feet threaten our freedom to walk in straight lines. While exceptional people such as Johnny Cash have used song to level tall buildings and push trees aside, ordinary folk such as you and I have been left with little choice but to surendeer to curves, long known as devious, serpentine, twisted, and altogether untrustworthy.

But! Thanks to the art of Parkour, practitioners (or "traceurs") can raise one defiant finger straight in the air, and flip circumnavigation the bird.

Traceurs, also known as "extreme joggers" have recently gained attention for winning marathons by scaling skyscrapers and then leaping across town to the finish line, protecting themselves upon landing with nothing more than an efficient tuck and roll.

However, some claim that this fledgling recreation is derivative and fails to acknowledge its original sources.

In a 1999 interview, a source known only as "Timmy" told reporters, "They stole my game! I was playing in the playground last year and a guy with big muscles and tattoos [presumably David Belle, an important member and major founder of the Parkour movement] said that was really cool and then Parkour started getting famous!"

Timmy is currently working in conjunction with his parents and lawyer to have the sport renamed "Timmy Jumping."

Despite all allegations, Traceurs have done more good than ill, helping to solve crimes, using their prodigious linear movement skills to confound crooks. Since the 9/11 tragedy, President Bush announced the Emergency Ninja Initiative to "rock the shit of terrorism." They have defeated Islamic extremist Parkeurs in countless informal competitions.


Nicky

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