HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Good news, picture posting works. Bad news, my beautiful and meticulous formatting is ruined. (0) comments

People say that because the brick wall doesn't talk back, obviously. But what if it did? Would that really be so great? It's a brick wall; it probably doesn't have much to say.

Anyway, I'm just here to verify my survival, and hey, there's an interesting new icon in my draft window. Looks like a photograph. Let's click the link and find out what it really means.

Could this be the beginning of iconojournalism for Nicky's blog?!

Oh I am so cool.



Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

That Brian Reagan is a pretty funny purveyor of jokes. All I wanted to do was lie on my back and eat an Oreo and drink some soy milk. He made this a very difficult situation. So... check him out.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (3) comments

I saw Camp. It's very ridiculous. I don't think I like it very much, but it's funny. It's about this guy Vlad who goes to a musical theater camp and at the camp, there are a lot of crazy kids who like musical theater, but the girls at the camp have a problem: all the boys at the camp are gay! Dude! Except for Vlad! So all the girls totally want his buns, because they like the dish he's serving.

The dish is hamburger.

I don't know.

Because of the buns.

And the, like... the—I don't know.

The movie is good because the gay people are funny and one girl does a really good rendition of "The Ladies Who Lunch." I never heard that song before, but it's very bitter like that. The movie is bad, but very funny when the young actors struggle with their many silly lines. It's actually fairly enjoyable in an after-school special kind of way.

But I will tell you something: this movie reinforces stereotypes. It affirms the belief that gay people are friendly and like girls and musical theater. But that's not always true. The gay walk among us. They are listening to our heavy metal, they are platonically befriending our men, and they are wearing our loose-fitting jeans. They could be in your house right now! There could be one right behind you RIGHT NOW! TURN AROUND! NOW!

Damn those gay people. They are silent, amphibious, duck-billed creatures that can hold their breath underwater for a very long time. They are the only mammals known to lay eggs.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (3) comments

I've been looking through some of my old posts. Yeah, sure, some of them are devastatingly clever, but there's a lot of awful, awful bullshit in there. So, I'm going to take credit for the good stuff and apologize for the bad stuff, even though I didn't write it. I'm also apologizing in advance for all the shit I am going to accidentally write in those moments where I can't distinguish between things that are interesting to know and things that are displeasing to the mind.

Oh! I'm also sorry about the typos. There are a lot of them. I had no idea!


Nicky (with a flourish)

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

The internet makes life more complicated. Where are the labor saving devices promised in the back pages of pulp magazines?

Talking to people in person is hard enough. Talking without any body language or voice tone adds entire levels of difficulty to the process. And don't tell me about smiley faces and shorthand; "LOL" is a poor stand-in for the sound of a child's laughter.

Do you ever do that though? Where you're talking to someone (I am referring in general, towards girls, but this may vary for readers) and you think you're flirting, but maybe you're just really irritating that person? The line between playful banter and being a prick is pretty thin, and it's just a bad situation if you can't quite tell the difference. And the thing about flirting is you can't just ask, "Hey, are we flirting?" Because that kills it. And if you're not flirting, well that's just really embarrassing.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (0) comments

Oh, the pain it brings me to be apart from you. That you would accept my pleas for forgiveness.

I went to an audition last Sunday. It was a special kind of audition, the kind where you think you're going to maybe get to be in a Pepsi commercial or get an agent, but really you're going to win the opportunity to attend a workshop for $2000. Now, no one really explained that to us when they called me up on the telephone, so I thought it would be a great, in fact, fantastic idea to try out.

I arrived at the office of John Robert Powers, famous Agency to the Stars, around 1:00 and found myself in a dystopian future, replete with colorful plastic chairs, and frosted glass doors that can only be opened by the light touch of a perfumed, manicured hand on a gleaming key pad.

We entered a room, my mother and I, full of little stars and starlets. Four-year-olds restrained by their mothers, awash in a pastel wasteland.

A man entered, I don't remember his name, but in his youth he was gifted, with the distinction of being Sketchers' first male model. He spoke from his suit with stylishly pink button-down shirt, telling us of opportunities and success, how we could all be famous, with a little help from my friends.

I had three choices, what commercial did I want to read? There was Gap jeans: The Great Thing About Jeans Is That They Never Go Out Of Style!, Pepsi: What Makes You Cool Is Your Attitude... Your Inner Self, Hershey's Chocolate: Have You Gone Without Rich And Creamy Milk Chocolate? I went with the Pepsi.

A strange thing happens to the aspiring actor when he prepares for an audition. The material he has, no matter how dull, trite or insipid, must be filled with emotion, style, and panache. And Poise. And Charm. And Vivacity. I found myself falling into cliché, testing one line reading after the next.

What makes you cool is your attitude... your inner self. It's not the way your hair is cut. It's not the clothes you wear. It's not what you drink... or is it? Pepsi, the drink of a new generation.

Gestures and inflections, infinite combinations of radical 'tude. Am I in-your-face enough?

Your inner self. What makes you cool is your attitude. Look at me! See the attitude?
It's not what you drink... or is it? Is it? Is it? Is it what fucking you drink?

#23? That's me. Be nice! But not too nice. Not weak! And read the line like you know the line, like you is it, the line. And attitude, give them attitude but not too much attitude. It has to be real. And. Show them what they're expecting, but add something new. But not too new. Don't scare no body. Any body.

Hello my name is Nicky and I am 16-years-old. Would you like to buy me?

Afterwards, I complained to my mother. Not enough attitude.

I am accepted, I am privileged with the honor of taking their workshop.
I decide against it.


Nicky

P.S. I sound like a crazy cut-rate beatnik here, but that's cool. The experience perhaps damaged my mind and brain.

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer (4) comments