HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Illinois, by Sufjan Stevens, may be the best sad make-out album I have ever heard. Not that I've heard the whole thing--it's an epic 22 songs. However, what I have heard has so much going for it as a sad make-out album that I'm not quite sure what to do with it. Sufjan Stevens, the singer/protagonist of this album combines angelic choirs, swooping orchestral arrangements, banjos, and accordions to get a unique (and yet highly Garden State-variety)sound. In addition, he has a soft, light, melancholy quality to his voice and sings about how someone got cancer. The general effect is that you want to cradle him in your arms and rock him very gently. At least, that's what I'm getting. I'm assuming this would be multiplied in most girls. Or maybe it's just me.

So, next time you've got a lady around at your house, or you are at her house, or you find a small CD player in the broom closet at your place of work, put this album on. But remember, this has to be sad make-out music. So if you're going for a playful make-out? Try something else. This is for that tender stuff that happens where some girl is crying for some reason, clutching her knees to her chest, and you kind of sit down next to her and put your arm around her shoulder, and she looks up at you tearfully. And you quietly take off her glasses and slowly lean down. Cue "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us" and you're pretty much there.

Of course, it can just be generally sad music. It can be crying in the bathroom stall music. It can be walking-away-from-your-emotionally-troubled-but-wildly-romantic lover-in-slow-motion music. It could be sitting-on-the-plane-and-looking-out-of-the window-wistfully-wondering-where-she-is-now music. It's pretty versatile.

Admitedly, not all of the music is the same caliber of sad indie situation quality. Whenever an extended accordion solo breaks out, you might want to turn that down just a little bit.


Nicky

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