HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Thank you, pop-up ad. I was just thinking to myself, "Man, I love screensavers... but they cost so much darn money! If only there were a way to get them for free!" And there you are!

Rampant pop-up ads are just one of the many benefits I can expect to enjoy, now that I will do the majority of my computing from a little system called "Windows XP."

My diehard fans will know that I am a Mac user, love Apple, would kill to sit at the right hand of my lord and savior Steve Jobs. My official statement for the past 16 years (yes, even when I was a baby) has gone something like this:

Apple is the company of the earth, the sun, and the sea. It is the fruit that nourishes, that giveth of joy and taketh of cash. Stable, as to a stone bury'd deep in the black soil, a tree whose roots are planted in UNIX. Microsoft is the tiny death that hides in the ear and whispers the darkthoughts, the plaguethoughts, the little deaththoughts that whittle away at system and mind until all that remains is the shell of man. Apple is the blood of life, soul of the Earth and of the Mother, and It shall not be forsaken.

My new official statement as of today is as follows:

Apple is the fruit of life, but its support for games is not so good. Microsoft is the little evil that should not enter the house, unless it can play every major game ever released. Then it's okay.

I know, I know, I'm shocked at this complete moral degradation on my part, but what can I say, you Rage against the machine 'til one day you wake up, and you're a Slave to the machine. And there's no more ragin', just cajun. And maybe a little... magin'. I expect my next move will be to trade in my khaki pants and cotton T-shirts for a nice tweed suit. Then I'll probably sell my parents' Toyota Prius, buy a Hummer2 and start talking about those "Big-Government liberals on Capitol Hill."

Yes, people that wear tweed suits frequentlybuy Hummers.

So indeed, the parts have been ordered, the credit has been approved, and all that is left is the critical UPS Man. I will keep you posted on this monstrous odyssey of guilt and longing through the days to come.

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Eulogy For a Dear Friend:

In the days leading up to my online purchase of a series of new personal computer parts, my iBook began to, quite literally fall apart. The little rubber stabilizing feet started to fall off, the hook for hanging the adapter cord broke off. My laptop knew its last moments were at hand. On the final day of its prominence in my life, as I sped through pages of information, choosing RAM, processor and motherboard--much as a gleeful child dashes through a pet store, pointing giddily to thoroughbred pups as his faithful mutt sits abandoned in the corner--the pages loaded at a snail's pace. My computer dragged its digital feet through page after page of its own impending doom. Finally, minutes after the purchase, made from that very computer, my iBook crashed catastrophically. I have been unable to revive it since.

You show me an Apple computer, and I will show you a computer that can feel. Good bye you little rascal, you dear old mutt. You were more than a machine; you were a dear friend and companion in times of need. I'll see you when you're running on Intel.

R.I.P.
iBook G3 600Mhz
384 MB RAM
20 GB HD


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer