HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Well, it was bound to happen some time. I have in my hand (near my hand), a handwritten letter from the illustrious Lukas Fauset. This letter, mailed perhaps from a schooner or possibly a junk, those are the only boats I can name, by way of carrier pigeon. Said letter is postmarked July 25, which speaks well for the flight times of the American hawk-tailed pigeon, which does not exist. When I mailed a letter from Italy, it didn't arrive until I had already returned home, and many of the warnings therein were proven useless due to the long travel time. Had I received it earlier, I feel the whole earwig incident could have been averted.

Actually, I received two letters from Lukas. The first is written in the large, sloppy handwriting of a young child, magic marker prose strewn about the page like wind-tossed maple leaves on a damp Sunday. Said writing only grows more incoherent as the short letter nears its end, fading inevitably into the realm of complete illegibility. My theory is that this letter was a cry for help following a particularly bad drug overdose. A poor choice of medium to say the least.

The second letter at first appears to be written by Lukas, but this clever forgery is easily and expediently overturned by the fact that the writer used a different pen. It essentially states that Lukas is, was, or will be (I wasn't reading very carefully on a boat with his aunt, who is actually six whole months older than him, and that the boats crew is comprised World War II veterans with wooden legs. Now, I mean no disrespect, but I'm sure that when Lukas says "World War II veterans", what he actually means is "a band of bloodthirsty pirates". Now, I'll be frank: I haven't read the whole letter, but I think we can safely guess the ending. Lukas, having been bamboozled by a posse of pirates, deprived of doubloons and pieces-of-eight alike, is cast into the sea, where, after besting the leader of the vicious shark people in unarmed combat, is brought to shore on the back of a gentle mermaid. The two agree to marry on the next full moon, but on that fateful day, the mermaid reveals that she is, in fact, all maid, and that the fins and flippers were merely Hollywood-quality prosthetics. Lukas, feeling distraught and betrayed, hurls himself into the Aegean sea, only to be rescued by his aunt who, it is revealed, captivated the pirates with her sensuous dance, and then skewered them with her rapier, running them through as 't were a shish kabab. But then! A giant sea monster, the Leviathan itself swallows them, ship and mates all. Inside they discover the entire cast of Gilligan's Island and dedicate the rest of their days to finding ingenious ways to derive electricity from a pair of coconuts and a plank of driftwood bound with hollow reeds.

Anyway, that's my take. I'll finish reading the letter too, but I won't be surprised if it comes out exactly like I just said.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer