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Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Cell 

I just saw this ad for Verizon where these guys go to this party where everyone is waving their cellphones around in celebration. You know, like lighters or something. I would say that that's an absurd, stupid thing to put in an ad, but people do it! I've done it. And then immediately felt a deep, terrible, terrible shame. Kids, don't wave your cellphone around in the air, no matter how exuberant those rock people are.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer
Posted by: Nicky / 8:37 PM

5 Comments:

Dammit, Ben! We warned you about this! Why did you go to a Jewish camp for boys? You KNEW what would happen if you went to a camp without computers! You think it's the fact that it's all boys that's the problem! Nah-ah! Because, at computer camp, it was all boys too! But computer nerds, we're a different breed, unaccompanied to walking around with our Johnny Tremains hanging out. No, your mistake was going to a camp full of self-assured, physically confident boys with no deep-seated issues of bodily shame. ...What kind of Jewish camp is this?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:17 PM  

I am writing this from a labtop I have stolen from my councilor in a brief moment of respite from hiding beneath my covers crying. I have barricaded myself in the equipment shed using a mixture of sand, gravel and marshmellow fluff to cement 10 benches together. Hopefully I can finish this before they break in with their axes. It's been about 6 days here, and surviving 24 more is not going to be a possibility. After asking every kid in the camp, I have found 1 kid who has played World of Warcraft.... he played for 20 minutes and has a level 3. There is an attractive secretary in the office and I have resorted to spending about 45 minutes a day staring at her through the cover provided by a set of convenient bushes. As I have earlier iterated, I hate everyone here. They are not quiet, disturbed, introverted jewish boys as expected but large, confident, sexually active athletes! DEMONS!! I can't stand them. I used the word "exonerate" yesterday and recieved a room full of blank looks. HELP ME!! HELP ME!! THE AXES!! I HEAR THEM CHOPPING!! CHOPPING!! CHOPPING!! I can hear strange hebrew chants muttered by heavily breathing workmen. Where is your helicopter Kosar?!! HELP ME!!!

P.S. Computer camp did have a couple of girls. How about chimp for one? Stop muddling the views of our past.

P.S.S. HELP ME

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:26 PM  

Fine, there were three girls, and one boy who I kind of thought was a girl. If they catch you, your only prayer is to bet your freedom in a Halo 2 match. Should you lose, the energy sword awaits to carry you to the peace of the (fully clothed) afterlife that awaits you.

If that doesn't work, I figure you should probably choose the one you take to be the "Alpha mail" (he may have a streak of gray fur lining his back), and offer yourself as his bride in exchange for protection. I saw this on the Discovery channel and I am almost positive it will work for you.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:43 PM  

!!URGENT!! DISREGARD MY PREVIOUS COMMENT.

Seek out the Alpha MALE, not the Alpha MAIL. The latter can only lead to heartbreak and hideous, hideous paper cuts.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:45 PM  

Nicky, be online in the evenings (8 PM). I hate only being able to contact you through public comments. I have secret things to tel you. Big secrets. Secret secrets. And by the way, I just beat 3 of these guys vs. me in a Halo 2 match and they kicked me out of the bunk. I am ecstatic.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:31 PM  

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