HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

I finally saw Constantine today. It was strangely awesome. Well, not strangely. And not awesome either. Good, though. Enjoyable. Keanu Reeves perfectly embodied John Constantine, a man who apparently, bears no resemblance to the John Constantine from the original comic. The comic, which I've been told is called Hellblazer, stars John Constantine, a cool Brit with spiky blond hair. The movie's Constantine is a dark, mopey guy with lung cancer who keeps whining about how he deserves to go to heaven.

But, you gotta feel sorry for the guy. After all, Hell wants him, Heaven won't take him, and Earth needs him!

The movie was actually pretty close to my idea of a good, or at least entertaining movie (these things are similar in my mind, because they are both difficult to find). It's got demons, androgynous angels, a Mexican anti-Christ (sort of), aimless theology, and a big revolver shaped like a cross. It's also got a sense of humor. Not a major one, but after seeing what happened to the Matrix series, I'm glad to see Mr. Reeves in a movie that occasionally takes a breath between its bouts of self-important grandiosity.

Which brings me to Keanu's rapidly emerging Jesus complex. This will be apparent to anyone that's seen both The Matrix Revolutions and Constantine, as there is one very noticeable scene towards the end of both movies. You know what I'm talking about. Not to mention of course, that he continues to play a guy who has to save the world from the ravages of great evil and stuff. It's good work if you can get it.


But I also saw another movie this weekend. It's called, "Drunken Master." Some of you are vigorously nodding in recognition—I see you! Drunken Master was Jackie Chan's first real hit movie. He had one before it, but this is the one that assured his stardom. It's the rightenest, fightenest movie ever. He plays young Wong Fei Hung (or Freddy Wong if you want to be a dick and watch a bad dub), who must learn the "drunken fist" style to defeat his most dangerous adversary ever! It's awesome. Any of you that've seen Jackie Chan's Hollywood movies might not get the whole deal about him. That's either because you suck and don't like awesome stuff, or because his American movies are watered down bullshit. If you want to see hardcore Jackie, The Chanster at his best, look to his Hong Kong films. But listen to this, and listen good: the movie I'm talking about is just "Drunken Master," not "Legend of the Drunken Master," which came out in America a few weeks ago. I think this movie is better, but they're both good. Only in an Asian film will you see fight scenes that go on for upwards of ten, fifteen minutes when they have to (which is surprisingly frequently.)


In conclusion, you want something new and cool, check out Constantine.
You want something old and awesome, check out Drunken Master, also known as Drunken Monkey in a Tiger's Eye.



Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer