HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Finally, I'm posting my fall preview, which, like the Garfield review before it, will seem exponentially worse for every day you've eagerly anticipated it.



First order of business, I've been reading the "Sam and Fuzzy" web comic, and it's truly very competent, but it doesn't stir in me the kind of passion brought forth by the likes of Penny Arcade and Men in Hats. For more on Men in Hats and a host of other web comics, check out my recently updated links section. Especially recommended are... well, all of them. I only link to the best. Now, if only they'd link to me.

So, the new TV season is quickly coming upon us. What have we got to look forward to this year, and "give thanks for" (a term from olden English meaning "be super happy about")? Well, Smallville is finally back on TV with a new season, which I will also not watch. Nothing personal, Tom Welling. It's not you, it's me. Let's keep in touch.

What else? I assume "24" is coming back, because once FOX realizes they have produced one of those "popular shows" everyone keeps telling them about—the FOX dictionary that all employees are required to refer to actually replaces the word "popular" with "The Simpsons", so you can expect them to be confused—they latch onto it like a leech that's all covered with glue. FOX has decided that these "popular shows" are super.

We can once again expect higher stakes this year, including explosives, the threat of some sort of plague or epidemic, a nuclear device, perhaps a few zombies (or as they prefer, the "vitally challenged"), and most likely Kim Bauer being harassed by a mountain lion, bear, opossum, or other woodland animal. One might also expect Jack Bauer to be, high strung, frequently angry, shout frantically at a walkie-talkie, and tell people that he "WILL kill them."

A smattering of sitcoms are probably scheduled to grace our TV screens briefly, before we quickly change the channel. They shall be canceled for their poor quality. They shall be replaced with videos displaying some of the best examples of the unfortunate convergences between crotches and large objects. Except for the TV show Quintuplets. It will not be canceled, because there is no God, and if there is, he has a cruel sense of humor and enjoys watching me, personally, suffer. I can't believe that show is still on the air. The real, non-robotic Andy Richter must be rolling in his grave.

Meanwhile, NBC, realizing it no longer has popular shows, desperately scrambles to fill the gaps left by the twin departures of Friends and Frasier. The absence of those shows are like twin bullet holes in the body of NBC. And it will BLEED TO DEATH if it doesn't get help soon, damn it!


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer