HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Act now.

So, obviously, I've got a huge potential in the movie industry.

My theory is that with my combination of esoteric good looks and slitty little Asian eyes, I can play anything from the soulful dreamer to the sinister "friend" who you wouldn't turn your back on. I'm like a big, closed box. I'm full of mystery, or as they say in France, "mystique".

Also, I look pretty evil when I tilt my head down and grin. The braces are very disconcerting. All shiny and made of metal. People have audibly gasped.

One day, before school started, I tried on this kid's trench coat and put on some sunglasses I had in my pocket, and just for fun, I did that Matrix dodge where Neo leans back and the bullets are all flying around him. And some girls were like, "OOH DO THAT AGAIN ITSO COOLOLOL!" And one of them took a picture of me with her camera phone. Later that morning, I was in the basement at school without the trench coat, and I don't know why, but I did the dodge again. And some other person was like, "Do that again! That's cool!"

So, I'm clearly destined to be some sort of action hero. People say I look like Keanu Reeves. I could be the next Keanu Reeves, like an alternate, bizarro-world Keanu Reeves, the kind with talent.

I watched my old video of the Matrix again a few days ago, and I admit I'm finally at the point where the real thing can no longer compete with my rosy memories of it. Oh well. Not my fault that a movie isn't just as good the fourth or fifth time. In fact, it should be better considering that now I've seen the sequels.

Now that gets me thinking about Max Payne, a game I've been highly interested in since its release in 2001, but only recently got the courage to TRACK IT DOWN and buy it for $10 at J&R. God bless those people. So, it's a fine game—which uses the slow-motion "bullet time" techonology, which I will assume you already know about because I'm not going to explain it either way—and it is full of Hong Kong-style gun fights, most of which one might replay dozens of times just because it would be even cooler if you shot that guy so he flipped over the guard rail. Some might say this game has "no educational value", but I would call them fuckholes. I learned the value of obscenities, and I also learned that there's almost no end to how cool it is to shoot people until they die. I also discovered that a story is much darker and has far more depth when you use metaphors. Like, "The blog was a work of genius, written by a man whose blood coursed with intellect. I could tell his mind sparkled with wit, like a 14 karat diamond under the watchful eye of a suspicious jeweler."

The side effects of this game are that you might... occasionally, and I'm talking maybe, six, seven times a day, lean back in your chair, yelling in your best gangster voice, "It's Payne!" and then shouting "BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!" while firing, in slow-motion, two imaginary Beretta handguns that you hold in each hand. It tends to really disrupt the class. But I assume it's only a temporary effect, and will go away in a few weeks.

So, the entirety of this post took about 45 minutes to write, and I mean steady, concentrated work. Fortunately there's an entire section I'm omitting that you'll get to read later. Ah, it feels good to be back.


Coming next post!
Fall TV season guide!
Featuring:
very few shows actually being mentioned!
righteous indignation!
I hate FOX!
digressions!

Everything you've come to expect from an OkaYeahWhatever post! Or whatever I call the site these days.


Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com
AIM: Jake Aimer