HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Sorry about not posting for as long as it's been, and the Garfield thing is still coming eventually.

So, the Hulk. The vast and epic battle between man... and the beast WITHIN. And vicious giant poodle dogs.

Speaking of the dogs. In this one scene, Bruce Banner, the main character has turned into the Hulk and he sees Jennifer Jennifer Connolly, and then he gets attacked by three huge vicious Hulk dogs. This scene drags on for what must be at least ten minutes, while the Hulk punches dogs, throws dogs at trees, hits dogs with tree trunks, hits dogs with rocks, kicks dogs, punches dogs in the TESTICLES, and fights dogs on top of tree branches, Crouching Tiger style. What the hell? No one cares.

The Hulk was half an hour of implausible action scenes, interspersed with 20 minute scenes of tearfully uninteresting exposition and dialogue. I guess it's supposed to be interesting, about how repressed and angry Bruce Banner is, but it's hard to care about a character who, himself, has no personality.

He just sits there, perfectly still, displaying no emotion... until he becomes angry, which is usually because of a dream or some mild perturbance. Then it's a whole new story. Eric Bana, an otherwise exemplary actor I'm SURE, indicates rage with hyperventilation/unsteady breathing, and occasional trembling. After that, he, it seems gratefully, relinquishes his difficult job to his much bigger, much greener, much less existent body double.

And what is up with the Hulk? In this movie he grows sometimes up to 20 feet tall, leaps distances of several football fields, and falls from the outer edges of the atmosphere into the OCEAN, with minimal harm, then inexplicably tunnels under the streets of San Francisco to emerge, a-roarin' an' a-bellowin' an carryin' on like nothin' else on God's green earth. To big, too strong, and a little bit too jumpy. I mean, he covers distance better than Spider-Man, a guy who's main skill is jumping!

And Nick Nolte, picked freshly off the street where he was occupied shouting conspiracy theories at passing cars, arrived as the Hulk's father, resplendent in lustrous, shoulder length gray hair, and a bunch of angry monologues. At the very end, he turns into super hero too, except he's all evil and weird. At the end of the movie, there's a, supposedly climactic battle between the Nick Nolte character and the Hulk. The fight is somewhat impressive, but ultimately devolves into senseless and confusing imagery mixed with inappropriate, art house symbolism.

In fact, it seemed that the whole movie was instilled with a little bit too much of the whole, "Oh, everything should be deep and big, and meaningful." Sure, there's nothing wrong with putting some thought in an action movie, but it doesn't necessarily have to be about epic forces battling for the fate of the world.

The Hulk is overblown, grandiose, and too big for its own stretchy boxer shorts.


Nicky

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