HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size, holy SHIT, what was that? Oh God, look at that Spider-Man. Spider-Man, kick Doctor Octopus's ass, oh shit, he just knocked you off a building, Spider-Man, use your fucking web! Spider-Man, Spider-Man, how are you going to stop that speeding training, Spidey, don't forget about Mary Jane! Who is... being held hostage... again.

Anway, I saw Spider-Man 2 today. Maybe you guys have read some rave reviews lately, whatever. Now, let's listen to my opinion.

It was cool! Yeah. I don't tend to gush over movies, and this is no exception, but I'll tell you all, it was good! The acting was quite nice, the story was comprehensible, and the action scene, tremendous! Dude, like, remember that part where Doctor Octopus totally...! Oh, I guess you haven't scene it yet.

Spider-Man is the coolest.I mean, Bat-Man is left in the freakin' dust. He's all like, "I shall shoot you... with my Batarang. Now I will... punch and kick you!"

And I LIKE Bat-Man. Sort of. Yeah, he's pretty cool.

Dr. Octopus is the shit, like the coolest superhero movie villain so far. Or at least this best comic-to-screen transition. He's actually much cooler here than in the movie. His big ol' arms are like, Rargh!

The fight scenes were so cool, I often found myself laughing at all the cool and inventive stuff that they were doing. Like, "Dude did he just... DUDE!"

And there is some wicked funny stuff in the game. I mean, movie. What the hell was that? Movie. That's not commentary on the movie, just a typo that I decided to leave in. Makes it more like I'm talking. And that's always a good thing. No, but there's some funny stuff.

In fact, the first half of the movie is kind of like a running joke. Because poor Peter Parker just can't get a break! Ho ho! People keep taking the last hors d'ouvre at the party he goes to, he gets fired, he's failing his classes, he can't pay his rent, the bank is foreclosing on his aunt's house, and Mary Jane is going to marry an astronaut. God. I don't know if it was meant to be funny, but I know I laughed! A reviewer aptly said, "You could almost call this one SPIDER-MAN 2: PETER GETS KICKED IN THE JUNK, and you'd have a pretty good idea of what to expect." Well said, my brethren. You shall be champion.

Whoo, slightly punk girl! Sorry, watching Josie and the Pussy Cats on WB. It's not, you know, good, but it's not terrible like the New York Times said. It's okay. It's got some vaguely amusing stuff. I kind of like some of the music. It scares me. I think I have some sort of weakness for corporate rock. So... catchy! GYYYUUUUUHHH!

So, in conclusion, Spider-Man 2 is a tasty summer treat, Josie and the Pussy Cats is determined to eat my soul with it's catchy, inoffensive rock. Curses!

Nikolai Nichollus Nickolechnikov

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer