HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Well, my friend Vincent gave me Return to Castle Wolfenstein yesterday, because my computer can't run new games. Actually, even Wolfenstein has its stalls and slow-downs on my computer. Fucking G3 600 Mhz iBook. Not that I don't love my little baby, but it's slower than an Antarctican molasses turtle. You know... a turtle made out of molasses... the kind they've got up in Antarctica. What! You don't watch "Discovery Kids!"?

Okay! I made it up.

Anyway, Wolfenstein. I'm like, meh. You know... meh. For one, I've always had a weird, ambivalent relationship with video games. On one hand, I love them. I love to know about them, read about them, and the like. But when I actually own one, I'm never sure how much I like it. Like with a lot of games, I'm like, "Yeah, game!" And I play it for a while, and then I get fed up at some point and quit. Then, when I'm not playing, I think about how much I want to play.

It's just, I get extremely tense when I play games. Well, mainly when I'm by myself. I'm like, scared of being shot at. Of course, knowing me, it's not surprising; I'm pretty physically timid. Still, though. I'm afraid not to always have 100 health. That's why I like games like Jedi Knight II, where you can heal at any time with force powers. Some people might think that takes away all the challenge, but surviving isn't usually what I like about games, so much as I just like the actual gameplay. You know, the satisfaction of shooting people in the head, impaling them with stakes, or just plain shooting oil drums in crowded rooms.

And that brings me back to Wolfenstein. There are some things that are more fun to kill than others. Stormtroopers are fun to kill. Terrorists are fun to kill. But of course, we all know, Nazis are the best. They are the alpha and omega of things that are fun to kill. And this is not something that one comes by gradually, it is a predetermined, genetic disposition, linked to the very genes that make people like pretending to shoot things in the first place.

And I don't even know why. Rationally, I know that plenty of Nazi's probably didn't really believe in their cause and were in fact rather unhappy about all the... you know, the killing. But when I see the swastika man, rationality goes out the god-fucking-damned window.

Now that we've got Nazis out of the way, I'm going to have to mention something I'm really not into killing: monsters. I just don't like it. You know why? Monsters make me scared. Monsters make me nervous. Things that make me nervous and scared, more so than I already am while playing a first-person shooter, are not welcome. I don't like them. I don't like their sallow skin, or their oozing boils. Nor do I like their horrifying screams or phantom skulls they launch at me. I've already got the Super Undead—or "living", as they are sometimes called—to deal with, and I don't need the regular Undead on top of that. Selfish bastards can eat someone else's damn brain for once.

Commies are fun to kill too, I think. But the only time I can really recall is in Goldeneye, which is a superb game to begin with. So it might have just been that game. Generally, I'm fairly cool with the Redheads.

In conclusion, the end.

Nicky

MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.
AIM: Jake Aimer