HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

I picked up this copy we have of The Illiad, thinking, you know, Diane Krueger. Anyway, I pick it up, turn the page, says "To my mother and father."

I'm like, Oh that's nice, Homer wrote a little acknowledgment thing. Of course, the translator actually wrote that, but it initially struck me as rather odd.

So, I don't really like the summer. It's not summer vacation which I am not down with, heaven forfend! But something about the warm, muggy air, and the sun staying up until 9:00 makes it seem that much more wrong to spend eight hours in front of a computer screen. I mean, I usually feel vaguely uneasy about it, but during the lean summer months, I feel downright unclean, like I've been feasting on Christian babies. Have you noticed that? That it's always "Christian babies"? I think it's because they're more tender. Something having to do with the holy water and the anointing oil or whatever. I think they put MSG or something in that holy water. Sweet cuppin' cakes! Gives me a headache though. No it doesn't.


Oh, oh! So, what I had wanted to mention the other day but I'd forgotten about and was angry, is "razors". When the hell did they get so cool, and who gave them permission? I'm talking about fucking shaving razors. Eh? In the old days, you see the razor commercial they all go, "Oi! Our razors are extra sharp, for unprecedented sharpness!" and you go "Fuckin' A!"

These days it's all...

THREE blades! Floating in SPACE! Feels like you're shaving in ZERO GRAVITY! No, no! WOMEN shaving YOU in ZERO GRAVITY. SEX! Sex in ZERO GRAVITY. With WOMEN! In SPACE.

or...

You've seen two blades. Yeah, two blades! And then we brought you THREE blades and you discovered more closeness in shaving than ever before. But how about FOUR blades? Isn't that overdoing it? NO! Four blades GOOD! Before four blades you WEREN'T EVEN SHAVING. You were rubbing your face with bits of metal. SHABBY! No, no, FOUR blades! No, not four, QUATTRO! Italian blades! Blades from Italy, it's QUATTRO! Crafted by... mobsters... sexy fuck-off Italian girl mobsters. Huge fuck-off breasts, eating pasta, Aldente, kiss-kiss mwuh! Italian sexy girl mobsters, huge fuck-off breasts, eating pasta, kiss-kiss... four FUCK-OFF BLADES.

Quattro. Yeah. Exactly. What is it all about? No one is shaving in space, okay? No. And no crazy songs about how Gillette is the best a man can get, okay? A threesome with the Olsen twins, maybe, but "Gillette"? Oh no no no! Not the best. Not the best! Indeed. You know what, go to the pharmacy, do us all a favor, and buy yourself a BIC Razor.

Nicky

AIM: Jake Aimer
MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.