HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

Well, I didn't really feel up to posting today, but because of that schedule thing, where I said I was going to post by Wednesday (today!), I'm doing it anyway. The reason I didn't post sooner is I've been going to rehearsals for this play, in Chappaqua every day. And that's far away. And I don't get home until 9:30 and then I have to do homework. So sorry. Punks.

Anyway, back to Mexico. I think this is my last installation. I've got probably enough for two, but I feel pretty bogged down this week. We'll see.


So, I woke up in Mexico after my first night there. Wandering around, I discovered the arcade. Wait, I discovered that the day before. Anyway, they have this game Pump it Up, which is a lot like Dance Dance Revolution, where arrows fly by the screen in time to music and you have to step on the corresponding arrow at the correct time. It was basically the same, but was subtly different in order to suck. That way they don't infringe on copyright law. Anyway, I quickly laid the smackdown upon that machine and attracted a crowd of hot girls. And when I say "hot girls", I mean no one! Crazy, eh? Speaking of honeys, there weren't any. Not a single honey. Hello? This is a pretty major school break? Where are the honeys?

So, over the course of the week, we went into town a few times, and I'll admit, it scared me just a little. There was this statue of some guy, and its head was covered with bird droppings; completely covered. And there was this one seagull that sat there ALL THE TIME. It was there on multiple days. I swear. There was also a big statue of a muscular man doing battle with a massive shrimp. Apparently the garbage from the resort has mutated the shrimp to epic proportions, forcing the people to engage in epic battles with them.
I'm really tired.

I saw some other frightening sites there. There was one restaurant; I don't remember what it was called, probably "Señor" something. That's how they attract tourists. When will they learn it means "mister" and not, "all your cash are belong to us"? Anyway, their mascot was a demented chili pepper with a cleaver. It scared the bejeesus out of me. I had nightmares. I swear.

There were a lot of black dogs in the town of Puerto Peñasco. They were just stray dogs that wandered about. I don't know how they got so many black ones though. I guess it was just a popular model that year.

Oh! More on the arcade: Because You Care! There was never anyone there, really. It could have been a very successful arcade, but instead it reeked of solitude which, now that I think about it is good for a guy who's pretending to dance when all along he knows he's incredibly white. Well, I'm half-Chinese. I guess that's where my mad 1337 skillz come from. See, the arcade could have been better with some better games. You know, fighting games, shooters, things that people LIKE. Instead they had two side-by-side 18-Wheeler games, in which you deliver... I don't know, wheels or something to people. They had two soccer games, which makes sense for the Mexicans who come here, and one nostalgia box, or whatever those things with Pac-man and Galaga and stuff on them are called. They had golf too, the type with the invisible golf club except you can hold the handle and pretend your playing a game that's not really a sport in the first place. A wise man said, "Golf is a good walk spoiled." I say, "Everyone rides around in those golf carts nowadays, and playing golf video games is a good golf cart ride spoiled." Feel free to quote me on that little gem. And the best game, they had a scooter game! I guess it came out when Razor Scooters were all cool, except the graphics seem about eight years old and the concept is boring and stupid. I used to want one of those things.

They also had plenty of nice games for the kiddies. They had a game called "Frantic Fred", in which you play a, supposedly retarded, bear, whose job it is to either run back and forth and catch apples in his mouth, or to avoid the apples. All I know is bears love apples. You control "Frantic Fred" with a steering wheel. God knows why.

They also had a game in which plastic ducks in a glass case go by on a conveyor built, and you have to press a button which shoots one of those extending boxing glove things at them. That's right: it's a video game in which you PUNCH DUCKS. In the face. It didn't even look hard. They had some other stuff, but it was all pretty lame, hilarious, or terrifying.

So back in town. Thought I'd mention that I DID see a cybercafé, something I had expressed doubt about in a previous post. It's called Internexos, in case anyone ever voyages to Puerto Peñasco. Thought I'd give you a little heads-up. They also have topless bars RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of the town. Just in case, you know, you wanted to avoid that part of town.

Oh, and before I said you could buy a dozen eggs in Mexico for 65 cents? Sorry. It's actually 30 cents.

I spent most of my mornings playing tennis. There were two courts. One was fine; the other had numerous holes and lumps on its surface. And it didn't have a net. People still played there anyway, because they were desperate and we had already gotten the good court. One old man insisted that the net was a disadvantage, and he was better off without it. Poor old man.

I also watched a lot of movies. They had a big-screen TV at the hotel and played a movie every night. One movie I saw was Tomb Raider 2. It oscillated between being completely incomprehensible and being reprehensible. It either didn't make sense, or it was boring, or it was absurd, or Lara Croft wore entirely too many clothes. I saw Spider-Man again. I decided the acting and script weren't very good, but the action sequences were beautifully and lovingly crafted. I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean again, which seems to have confused my mom. "How come they're skeletons, but they're also not skeletons?" she would ask. It was long, wasn't it? Yes, it was. It wasn't bad, but mainly Johnny Depp was cool, and performed my all-time favorite portrayal of a gay pirate. Seriously, have you seen the movie? What decision did he make before they started shooting? "I think I'll drink a bottle of scotch and do my Richard Simmons impersonation," he might have said. Really though, he's all RIGHT.

We went on a whale-watching tour too, in a little boat. I thought about bringing some gum, so I could chew it in case a whale came. That way I could realize it had lost its flavor and go for a new stick of gum, just as the whale jumps out of the water and everyone goes, "Incredible! That will NEVER happen AGAIN!" What, no one remembers that commercial? It was an ad for Extra? It was almost exactly like that, except the people weren't so mean to me in the commercial. Anyway, it was really great for a while. Then I wanted to die because I got really sick and it sucked. And we didn't see any whales.

In Mexico, their version of Wonderbread is something called "Bimbo". Their mascot is, quite fittingly, a friendly-looking teddy bear. Someone tell me what Bimbo means in Spanish. They have some so-called whole wheat-type bread. It said "Multigrano", but when I tasted it, I wondered how it good have any fewer grains and still be considered bread.

One last bit. My aunt Peggy, who was along with us, is from California, and she's a vegan. Now I respect that, and I think there are plenty of delicious things you can eat without meat products. . I myself don't eat pork or beef or lamb. The thing about Peggy is, she also won't eat many vegetables, or any spices. So eating with her is an EXPERIENCE. She really likes to keep the waiters on their toes, especially when they aren't so good at English. "I'll have this linguini pasta with marinara sauce. But don't give me any onions, or garlic, or peppers, and don't put in any spices. Don't give me any cheese. And could I have penne instead of linguini?" It's actually worse than that. I swear. It's worse. Honest to goodness.

Anyway, I really have to go now. And I hope you've enjoyed my little epic (oxymoron?) My next post, on whatever it may be, may not be until next Wednesday with all I've got going on. But with luck it will be earlier. See you all.

Nicky

AIM: Jake Aimer
MY E-MAIL! Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.

Posted by: Nicky / 9:22 PM