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Come for the lesbians, stay for the blog!

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Blizzards and Wizards... 

Hello to all of Nicky's six fans! I'm Lukas, and I'm here to make another introduction, pretty much just to clarify some things, and post my first entry.

1) My name is Lukas Fauset. (In the background, im hearing the people chanting at my funeral: 'His name is Lukas Fauset, his name is Lukas Fauset...' over and over. Fight Club? Anyone?)

2) I don't know Mikey, but it seems Nicky was blasting him pretty hard. I don't know whether he deserves it or not.

3) Nicky has never come close to pissing me off, no matter how hard he tries. I don't get pissed easily. One day, I'll probably snap or something, because of that. UNTIL then, I'm your friendly neighborhood Lukas!

4) I think Nicky and I agree on most things, save Starcraft. (Hence half of the title, Blizzards and Wizards, because, as you probably all know, Starcraft was made by Blizzard. Well, I think so, at least. I hope I'm right. Otherwise, I just made an ass of myself on my first post.

I guess that brought me to the rest of my post. The wizard thing. I know Nicky already
talked about The Lord of The Rings, but this has sort have been bothering me for a while, so I might as well talk.

GANDALF (in my opinion) IS FULL OF OELEPHANT SHIT!!! My belief dates back to the beginnings of a particular fellowship in the mines of Moria, on a particular bridge, while particular parts of this particular bridge happen to be crumbling away into a particular abyss of hell, demons, dark forces, yadda yadda, while a particular Balrog happens to be chasing them.
At this point in time, Gandalf gets tough, and in order to save his furry little Hobbit friends, he brings out his wonderful staff. I was struggling through the book, and I had just finished this part of it, and was expecting a kick ass rendition of a wonderful fight.
Well, here's what happened. Gandalf was saying his magic words and stuff, and I was huddled in my sweet, acting something a long the lines of that guy who's always sweating in Tommorrow's Nobody, except without being gay (I have no problem with Homosexuals by the way). And the light flashes. This sort of pissed me off. A light. Whoop dee doo.
Come to think of it, that's all he's really done in all the books and movies is with lights. Fireworks, beacons, (actually, he gets someone else to light the beacons) and a ton of white lights, that, um, scare, things... Yeah... SO! Back to the treacherous passageways of Moria.
The Balrog is doing his firewhip thing, and supposedly doing something to help them, and I think the Balrog just sorta didn't realize their was a missing part to the bridge in front of him, and just walks forward and falls. So, now Gandalf thinks he's so cool, and starts to do his little victory dance, when the whip comes and grabs him. "Run you fools!" Gandalf says to the Hobbits. "I've got a Balrog ripping my trousers, and, in my age, that's not something you want to see. Yes, even you and Sam, Frodo. Don't peak." The he falls... Or does he? Yes. He does...
According to Gandalf's story, he falls through the dark to where to light will ever shine, twirling in an embrace of deadly fire. Into the quiet waters of the deep pits of the world, where the Balrog's endless fire ceased to be quenched, even in the deep cold. And then... Through the bottom of the lake we fell.... WTF! Through the bottom of the lake? Gandalf? Gandalf the Wise? You can't fall through the bottom of a lake my bearded friend and land on a mountain. You moron.
So, then Gandalf, using his ultra super powers! Made a a sword... Of LIGHT! Yay! The Balrog was blinded and died. The end.
I don't think so.

I think Gandalf is a crummy liar!

I think Gandalf fell off the ledge, and the Balrog fell, hit his head on some boulder, and died. Now, Gandalf, being the weak old man he is, couldn't hold on anyway, and fell five feet onto a little ledge. Everyone left, and he was just stranded there. SO! He made the climb down to the bottom of the abyss, more like a small crevice of about 60 feet, kicked the Balrog a couple of times, and then spent a long time wondering the caves, looking for a way out. He finally found one, left, bought some new clothes at the Gap, found a nice wooden stick, put a rock in it, washed his beard, called himself Gandalf the White, and then made up some bullshit story about the gods reviving him to fight once again.

There.

I've said it.

You now have your first glimpse into my twisted and distorted world.

If you made it this far, that is.


MY E-MAIL! Well, Ok, it's Nicky's... BUT! I'm sure he'll be nice and forward responses to me. Okayeahwhatever@yahoo.com.

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