HOT LESBIAN ACTION!!!

I have a cool guitar teacher. His name is Chris. He's in two bands. One is called Joanie Loves Trotsky. I have their short album and they have a web page (joanielovestrotsky.com) and you can email him if you want at... you know what? Just in case weirdos are reading this, I'm not giving out his address. But you can email me and ask for it. Or you could go to the web site. On the web page, he's the one on the far right. Anyway, his email is probably on that. He's also in a band called Jim Knable and the Randy Bandits. I've never heard any of that stuff, but the name kicks tons of ass. Chris is my guitar teacher. He is cool.

Anyway, we had our first lessons in loads of time on Thursday. And he gave me this MP3 CD with about 170 songs on it. So, part of my homework was to listen to "The Guest" by Phantom Planet and write a 150 word review about it. That's a cool homework assignment, isn't it? Well, actually it's not that cool. I don't know how to write a music review and 150 words isn't a lot of wiggle room. It's hard to write 150 words or less. But it's an interesting idea. So, I've been listening to the album, and I'll probably post my review when I've heard the album enough to really write about it. I kind of like the album, and it's got some really fun music on it, but I don't like all of it.

But this brings me to my main point: everything on it is better than almost ANYTHING from the 80's. God, the 80's sucked. Actually, an article at Maddox's site (see: "The Best Page in the Universe" in my links section) inspired me to write this. He too, despite being an asshole, hates the 80's. But, no, this is not some imitation article, for my hate of the 80's goes back many years. In fact, the 80's are entirely my least favorite decade, even worse than whenever it was that they had all those witch trials.

Let's start with the music. My topic sentence: what the fuck? The 80's were a decade when computers were first finding widespread popularity and it spawned games like Donkey Kong (the one where Mario tries to save his sweet-ass bitch from Donkey Kong.) Along with those computers came the first commercial music synthesizers. That's pretty cool, some pretty hot-ass techno sweets my out, like Propellerheads. You should check that stuff. It's fine. But in the 80's, they also had synthesizers. And I ask myself over and over again, how come they all decided that they HAD to use synthesizers to make good music? When will people learn that good technology doesn't make good songs, it just makes it easier for really atrocious songs to become popular.

Like Culture Club. What the hell was that? Like they did that song "Karma Chameleon". You know? Like in those Levis commercials with the karaoke and the guys can't sing but they're wearing nice dreams. You know, "Karma karma karma karma karma Chameleon, you co-o-o-me and go, you come and go-o-o-o." Come on. You know what was a good song from the 80's? "Whip it." That's about the only one. Now whip it, whip it good! Man, that song kicks more ass than anything by Hanniway or Ace of Bass or whatever that terrible stuff all was. And I guess The Clash was pretty cool. And old school rap was pretty cool. But THAT'S IT for 80's music.

And what about the fashion? Everyone was desperate to be a punk. Everyone with the mohawks and the piercings and the chains and the women's clothing. And David Bowie? Come on! He was the Marilyn Manson of the 80's, but weirder. He made that shitty movie, "The Man Who Fell to Earth" where he plays an alien and some people said it was about alienation and stuff, but I think David Bowie just wanted to make a long movie with a pornography sequence near the end. Man, that movie sucked.

Now the movies. Here I have to say that they made some progress. Terminator came out, and though it wasn't so great, Terminator 2 was pretty cool. And Robocop! Man, I just saw that movie in August and that kicks more ass than an angry ninja! There's all this grotesque mutilation and Eric's dad from "That 70's Show" plays the bad guy. And it's funny! There's all this black humor and stuff where this guy takes a mayor hostage and then demands an SUV, the kind that gets really shitty mileage. So the 80's weren't a complete loss. But man, I still hate that decade... so much.

In fact, I'd say the best thing to come out of the 80's was me. Yep, I was born in 1989, just barely escaping the suckiest decade ever, surfing out along that wave like a Ninja Turtle, because they kick ass, like me. So, in conclusion, if it weren't for the 80's neither me nor any of most of my friends would exist, but that hardly excuses its supreme suckiness. I'll be back on Monday, hopefully, with more fascinating accounts of school. I might even write something on Saturday, but I'm tired now, so I'm going to end this. Bye.

Nicky